Jack & Harry in London with Tennessee Williams

Hell-o again, everybody !   Harry Caray here along with Jack Buck and several well-heeled Cardinal fans who have nothing better to do than spend 10 hours each way to watch a couple of ball games here in London.  

True that, Harry.  These fanatics possess that rare combination of both money and time to burn to witness what some call an historic match between the Cardinals and the Cubs.

Holy Cow, Jack!  That sounds like a group of sportswriters and PR men who got free tickets to travel across the pond on someone else’s dime to share in the histrionics.  

God Save the King! If they want to talk real history, perhaps they could report on how they hijacked our traditional rivalry games with the Cubs that have been running for 125 years and shipped them off to England.

Harry, on top of all that, MLB reduced the number of times the Cubs and Cardinals play from 19 games to a mere 12 times per season. So shipping these Cardinal “Home” games across the ocean mean that Cardinal fans will only see the Cubs in St. Louis for a single four game series in July.  That’s it!

Sad but true. The Cardinals finish their season with the Cubs in mid-summer.  No games against our hated foes in August or September—and those are months that Cubs hibernate while Cardinals gear up for a run for the division championship.  

Jack, those ‘gimmie’ September victories against the Cubs come in handy in a pennant race.   And given this year’s tame Central Division, a .500 record could mean a trip to the playoffs, so the Cardinals still have a chance. 

Holy Toledo, our old friend Tennessee Williams is madder than a wet mud hen about this absurd turn of events.   He’s here via Zoom to voice his opinion. 

Where are you now, Mr. Williams ?

The Big Easy, of course.   As I said many times, there are only three cities in America: New York, New Orleans and San Francisco.   Every place else is Cleveland.

I understand that you are a Cardinal fan?

Of course.  My first name is Tennessee.  Everyone from that state loves the Cardinals. That goes for Arkansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Iowa, and two-thirds of Illinois.  And those folks screeched like a cat on a hot tin roof when they reduced the number of Cardinal home games against the Cubs.

Will you travel to London to see the Cardinal Cub games?

I’m not wasting my time flying across the Atlantic to witness games hyped for a momentary bump of TV ratings at the expense of local fans.  What do we in St. Louis and Chicago get in return?  Cricket games at Busch and Wrigley?

I heard you screamed ‘Stella!’ when MLB reduced the number of times the Cardinals and Cubs meet to only 12 games per season.

Well, Jack, that’s the one thing Cardinals and Cub fans agree on.  It stinks. Even when both teams struggle like this year, we always had the battles against the Cubs—the team we love to loathe. The folks in Chicago would say the same.

Well, T.W., it’s those added games against American League teams crowding the schedule.  Fans across America want the Cardinals visiting their city.

I have no desire to take a streetcar to watch those snoozers.   There are only three teams worth beating in Baseball:  The Cubs, the Mets, and the Dodgers.  Winning against any other team is like beating Cleveland.  

Indeed.   Cardinal fans would rather win 2 of 3 against the Cubs, than sweep a four game series against the Mariners. 

Did you say the Marine-ers, Harry?  When did the Marine Corp get a team, and will we have to march over to Montezuma or the Shores of Tripoli to watch those games?

Baseball hires MBAs to dream up ways to create new revenue streams. In England, they call these guys twits.   

Bloody-well right, Jack.   Expanded playoffs and interleague play means slashing the number of rivalry games while minimizing pennant races. Baseball has turned the regular season into one long string of exhibition games.   Next thing you know, the Cardinals will be playing the Twins and the Jays in Japan and Taiwan. 

Before signing off, I would like to hear Harry’s revised version of Take Me Out to the Ballgame that he will sing during the 7th inning stretch in London.

All Right, Tennessee.  Here goes:

Take me out to the ballgame
Take me out with the lads
Buy me some Brit fish and chips to snack
I don’t care for that flight here and back

For it’s root, root for the profits
Games in London sure are a shame.
For it’s one, two, three frames you’re out
At a new, lame game.